I reference the blog post You Can Be More Than One Thing a lot, and I want to share it again. It was the first time I realized it was okay that I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up, and that not having a plan was okay. You see, I’ve always been somewhat of a perfectionist and go-getter. Always planning the next thing or looking for the next challenge. I never took the time to just be, or to think and ponder….that is until the universe forced it upon me (more about that in the Labels segment below!). I’ve realized that perfection is an illusion. As soon as you get to what you were planning on, there is a need for more. It’s exhausting.

Venturing into the entrepreneur world last year was incredible. It was not something I saw coming. At first the Kilo plan was to just revolutionize the Construction Codes industry….but then the idea evolved. And evolved. And soon it was a mind map of how to change the world. I’m working on a few other pieces that align with Kilo and make the world-changing more possible.

Turns out, I’m a dreamer. I always knew I had big ideas…but didn’t quite realize how big or out-of-the box they were. But along with big dreams and an extremely busy mind, comes the need to find ways to slow the mind to avoid burnout. So I’ve gotten back into two of my passions that I had been missing: crafting and home renos. I’m a tree-hugger and huge fan of repurposing…you can see my post here for my plans for the homestead! I’ve also discovered the art of sitting around and watching movies and tv series. I mean I have in the past, but always seemed to feel guilty I should be doing something else. Not anymore!

My sister Karen me a quote recently which I absolutely love: “A girl is all things”. I used to put so much pressure on myself to fit in a box. To have it all figured out. Not anymore. Some days I journal and think I may be a writer one day. Some days I put on my community planner hat and work on an alley revitalization project I have a vision for. Some days I spend time with my new pals at Street Culture Project and talk world-saving, starting in Regina, SK. Some days I embrace hermit life, don’t answer my phone and pull oracle and tarot cards and see where my thoughts take me. Some days I chat with the most random of people because it brings me joy.

I’ve started to refer to myself as a hurricane, which seems to resonate with many people I interact with. From the outside, it can seem like what I’m doing is unorganized, chaotic and disruptive. I can also be a “tad” unpredictable and change directions easily. But if you care to take an aerial view, you will see that at the eye there is calm, and the movement of the storm is somewhat of a beautiful dance. To be honest, I don’t really care whether anyone thinks I’m unorganized and going nowhere with my dreams…and have decided that I no longer need to explain myself to anyone. It’s quite freeing!

As humans, we are so quick to judge and label things and others. Labels are really complicated. On one hand, they can help us understand something and be better equipped to find solutions…but on the other hand, they can do oh so much harm.

I have called myself a lot of labels, and have had labels put on me by others. I used to not share my struggles. Not because I was embarrassed, because I’m not in the least, but because I didn’t want to burden others. You see, I’m a feeler. And when I hear about sad things, I get sad. And I never wanted to put my sad on anyone else.

Turns out I was wrong. The other day I was chatting with a new friend, and he let me know he’s had a similar journey as mine, and it has been so great for him to hear me share my story. Sharing our stories can bring comfort and connection to others. It can help reduce the feeling of being so alone in a very overwhelming world.

So along the lines of labels and sharing stories to help others feel less alone…here are some of my labels: adhd, anxiety, depression, and bipolar II. Bipolar II is a new one this year. For sometime I created my own birdcage and thought a label meant life as I knew it was over. But as my brain and body came back into balance, my rational mind was able to overcome the irrational part. I’m an open book, and will share more of my journey on a personal blog one day.

I used to be terrified of going ‘crazy’. But after what I’ve experienced this year, I don’t really think there is such thing. I think that we all have beautiful unique brains, and sometimes things can get overwhelming. And if we don’t have the support systems in place (or our support systems don’t have the right tools), things can get messy. When we open our hearts, it can sometimes be difficult to understand what our dreams and intuition are guiding us to. Long story short, I’m no longer terrified of being crazy…I embrace it every single day…and have the below image as my desktop background as a constant reminder

When I was in the thick of it, I had my village supporting me. And for that I am so thankful. I imagine people who go through what I did and don’t have the supports end up in not-so-great places. I’ve always tried to look at those struggling with compassion, but after what I went through, I have no doubt in my mind that any of us could end up anywhere. So please remember to be kind, always.

Outside of my village, there were people who ‘owed’ me nothing and had no obligation to help me, that did anyways. In our industry, there is a lot of fake niceness. Which is fine because it’s the world we live in…but I’d like to give a shout out to certain people in our industry that helped me feel like I was worth fighting for:

• Brett with Community Fire Prevention. I’ve known Brett since last spring-ish when I started to try to recruit him as a Villager. We’d chat from time to time. He’d ask me some Code questions, I’d ramble gosh-knows-what to him! He gave me a call one day, and could tell by my voice that something was drastically off. He would then check in on me, and was so positive and encouraging every time he did so. He didn’t necessarily say anything different than those closest to me were at the time…but having someone who I barely knew go out of his way to make sure I was okay meant the world.
• The leadership team at Celerity Engineering. I left Celerity in November 2020 after deciding to jump feet first into Kilo. When things got wild, I needed some sort of anchor to the real world as I completely lost who I was. Celerity took me back, full knowing what state I was in. They even recommended me to get counselling and paid for it, even though I was not eligible for benefits (I started back at about 5 h/week). I had only worked with Celerity for just over a year. They supported me as I got back on my feet, and I will forever be grateful.

Both these companies are in the Vancouver area, and you should definitely check them out if you’re interested in working with companies led by good humans.

Our plans for next year are pretty much what our plans for this year were! As you can probably tell, my year didn’t go quite as ‘planned’. I’ve also come to realize that sometimes opportunities fall from the sky that are just too great to pass up, even if they weren’t on the plan.

I summarized what we’re working on in the Kilo’s Notes post in October. This included:

• Burns on Fire,
• The Community Calendar,
• Villager Recruitment,
• Grey Matter Database, and
• The Champion Program.

Since I’ve written that post, there are a few other updates I can provide!

• Since everything is funner with friends, we’re going to be brining on some additional help. First being my lovely sister, Jacquie, who will be helping out with the Villagers. Staying organized is not one of my strong suits, and I’m a “tad” behind at onboarding Villagers and saying on top of the schedule. She’s amazing, and well suited as a Herder of Villagers
• You may have noticed by now that I am a proponent of collaboration over competition, and have never been okay with the ruthlessness I see happening in the business world. I haven’t read the book (yet), but how Simon Sinek speaks about the finite vs infinite is something that really resonates with me. In it he writes “To ask, “What’s best for me” is finite thinking. To ask, “What’s best for us” is infinite thinking.”. I’ve been taking my time getting into the software world. For various reasons…but mostly because I’m a self-sabotager and have only discovered this about myself a few months ago. But getting into software is something that we need to move forward on, as it is the key to so many of our dreams at Kilo. I’ve also realized that healthy competition is a good thing. It keeps you on your toes. I’m also one who likes things when they are challenging…so buckle up for 2022 folks 🙂